I'M A POTATO!

1994 Dave Awl

[ensemble plays a rhythm on spoons, buckets, sticks etc. to which all text is spoken except where indicated. Basic rhythm is: evenly evenly THREE-da four, or rhythm of phrase "lions and tigers and bears, oh my. "]

Dave: I'm a Potato!
My Brain's made of cheese!
I fly through the dark and I sing with the bees!

A Chorus: He's a Potato!
His Brain's made of cheese!
He flies through the dark and he sings with the bees!

[break]

Dave: I'm a Potato!
My Brain's made of cheese!
I can sing thru my nose!
I can type with my knees!

B chorus: He's a Potato!
This fact we confirm:
He's as small as a whale!
He's as large as a germ!

Kotis: Put down that rhinoceros!

Heather: Listen now please!

Diana: Sit still in your armchairs!
Don't wiggle, don't sneeze!

Ayun: You must hear what we tell you!
It's bona fide true!

Greg A: He's a guaranteed tuber!

Kodeski: He belongs in a zoo!

Dave: I'm a Potato!
I'm pliant!
I'm blue!
I never wear trousers!
I live in my shoe!

A chorus: He's a Potato!
It's nothing but fact!
How wrong to deny it!
How lacking in tact!

[rhythm stops. Peanut shells drop their spoons and stand up to sing the following, to the tune of the Toreador song from Carmen .]

Peanut Shells: We are the peanutshells that fall beneath the chair,
we lie there for years,
with dust in our ears.
We know the truth,
because we hear so many lies;
don't be misled by his disguise!

[rhythm resumes.]

Dave: I'm a Potato!
I'm dressed like a prune!
I have seven foreheads!
I eat macaroons!

B chorus: He's a Potato!
It's cogent!
It's true!
Pay heed to his message!
We bid you adieu!

Dave: I'm a Potato!
There's naught left to say!
Remember me fondly!
I bid you good day!

A chorus: He's a Potato!
What else can we say?
Put down that rhinoceros!
Choose a new play!

Dave: I'm a Potato!
I'm a Potato!
I'm a Pota-

[rhythm stops midsentence. Freeze for a beat, then Curtain.]

CURTAIN

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